Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
