all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
