yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
