I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
