If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
