happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
