I love black thongs
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
