in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
