when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
did you just send me my own nude
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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