And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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