How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
