so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
