And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
