he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
