I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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