hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
