I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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