Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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