I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
