Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
