is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
