I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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