Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
