some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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