PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
