Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
