i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
