you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
