also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
