apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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