There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
