Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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