Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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