New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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