There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
