i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
