they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
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I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
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Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I didn't notice because vodka
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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