i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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