Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
