I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
