I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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