My friends, they love my intelligence
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Randomize
