i don't like sucking hair
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
