I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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