Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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