I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
