every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
