There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
