I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
