They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
