ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
