RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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