And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
