I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
