I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
