I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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