I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
