he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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