3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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