Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
