the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
