Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
