She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
