did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
