Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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