Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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