So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
