I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
