I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
