I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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